THE SNARKY PHOTOGRAPHER:
November/December 2012 Edition
Season's Greetings, Boys and Girls. Yes, it has been a while since he's blogged
but with wedding season over the Snarky Boy has some time to vent, so now he's
back. I know, who cares, right? Well, I do.
Coming soon: New portrait session featuring Lacey B, a fresh-faced new aspiring
model from Central Indiana who has helped us create some sweet and sexy images
for our holiday edition. Had I known beforehand she was an avid bowhunter we could
have gotten some even more en-deer-ing adventure shots. Shame on me for not
asking more personal questions. Anyways, it is getting a bit chilly outside and snarky
boy doesn't really like to shoot in the cold if he can help it. Maybe next
spring. Shame on me, again . . .
Please view our new gallery of Intimate and Bridal Portraiture
on our WIX twin site at:
Best viewed with Google Chrome
Monthly Rant: Now call me cranky but over the years I have acquired a few pet
peeves regarding the human race in general I feel I have to get off my chest.
Let's talk about no-call, no-shows.
Sad but true, not only in the arena of photography but in other walks of life
as well it has been my experience that people in general show up for their
appointments about 50% of the time. Or maybe I should say only 50% of people
actually show up for their appointments. In any case, I find this a very sad state of
affairs. Okay, emergencies happen. I get that. You run out of gas. Babysitter
cancels. You have to run back home b/c you forgot to record The Walking Dead.
But seriously, you can't even call to cancel?
10 years ago you may have had a somewhat passable excuse.
But in today's day and age who in the world between the ages of 8 and 80 does not
have a cell phone glued to their ear almost 24/7.
Am I wrong? 9 times out 10 these people are never heard from again. Were
they abducted by aliens? Are they embarrassed? Damn right; they should be. If
someone thinks they are just "all that", the hottest thing since pre-cooked bacon,
well, obviously they need educating. Final word: Not showing up, not calling is very
unprofessional and just downright rude. Don't burn your bridges,
People. Even if it is just a simple trade shoot. FYI: A LOT OF WORK,
PREPARATION, PHYSICAL AND MENTAL NOT TO MENTION
EXPENSE GOES INTO SETTING UP A PHOTO SHOOT.
Don't waste people's time, okay, babe.
What goes around, comes around. Karma knows your name. And when she
finds you, it won't be pretty, Miss Model. Now don't get me wrong, I'm not just
talking about models here. Okay I am talking mainly about models, but it is other
people, too. Get it through your pretty little heads, mediocre models are a dime a
dozen. But then again, so are mediocre photographers. Enough said. Now let's talk
about people who text and drive. Oh, snap.
Well, maybe next time . . .
Tasty Tips and Tidbits: Now here are some simple tips for models and
photographers and others just starting out doing photo shoots.
Models: First of all, come prepared. Especially considering trade shoots where the
people you are dealing with may not be.
Have your make-up and hair done at least to some degree.
AT least brushed. Maybe fixed up a little with a curling iron, unless specifically
instructed otherwise by your photographer. Who knows, the make-up/hair/wardrobe
stylist may have to cancel or not show up at all (see previous section.)
Why waste a trip, especially if you have traveled some distance, just because you
don't have a few basic essentials on hand. A career model (or serious wannabe)
should always be prepared for a photo shoot emergency. Keep an extra bag on
hand with some model shoot essentials. Make-up kit. Hair brush/bands/pins and
curling iron/blow dryer. Maybe a nice party dress. Some high heels and/or boots.
If you might be shooting lingerie, you can't go wrong with a basic black or white,
Victoria's Secret bikini, green or red for the Holidays.
As they say, the devil is in the details. Hair, make-up, wardrobe, accessories.
And like I do in my boudoir portraits, photographers encourage your
subjects to incorporate anything that will make the session more personal. A
favorite piece of jewelery, an article of clothing belonging to their man, a prop or
costume that represents a hobby, profession, a secret alter-ego. Whoa, okay, let's
not get too carried away there, Cat Woman!
Now back to Models. Would it kill you to get your nails done. I'm just saying . . .
Take it from me, there is nothing more tedious and annoying than having to do (or re-
do) a subject's gnarly toenails in Photoshop.
Well, maybe there is one thing more annoying . . .
Now a quick word about Escorts: Always a good idea, for safety reasons, obviously.
Now sometimes you have to take what you can get but in a perfect world let's put a
little consideration into who we bring along, shall we? From personal experience
I can attest there is nothing more counter-productive to an artist's creativity than
having an over-protective parent, or even worse a heavy-handed boyfriend/husband
hovering over your set like an overzealous movie producer, prison guard or father-in-
law. Photographers: Maybe have a nice little waiting area in the next room, a cold
drink or hot cocoa, some ESPN, magazines, some albums from your portfolio.
In my not-so-humble opinion, Models, your best choice is a handy friend who can help
out with hair, make-up, outfits. Someone who can lend an honest opinion, and maybe
who has done some modeling herself. Just a thought . . .
Expression and Posing: Believe it or not, as a youngster the snarky boy did some
amateur childhood modeling. Then puberty hit, and it was all downhill from there.
But I digress. The point is I can tell you modeling is about more than just standing
around looking pretty. Well, a little bit more. Unless you're lucky enough to have your
photographer pose your every move like an overgrown child manipulating his favorite
robot doll. Especially when working with inexperienced or just plain lazy (no finger pointing please)
photographers, there may be some actual work involved. Sure, Happy and Sad are a piece of cake. Pissed-off, Confused, should be no problem there. But can you do Pouty? Revolted? Pensive? Inquisitive? Compassionate? Moody? Sultry?
Vocabulary Word of the Day:
SULTRY : sul·try (sltr) KEY
ADJECTIVE:
sul·tri·er, sul·tri·est
Very humid and hot: sultry July weather.
Extremely hot; torrid: the sultry sands of the desert.
Expressing or arousing desire: a sultry look; a sultry dance.
The point is a model should be able to fire off at will
an exhaustive repertoire of unique expressions
like a machine gun in the zombie apocalypse. But enough about zombies . . .
Likewise a professional model should be able to perform in the neighborhood of half a dozen poses, each standing, sitting and lying/reclining at the drop of a hat.
By the way, I highly recommend yoga or dance to improve the Grace of your movements.
In the words of my dearly departed Zen Master:
The beauty of Grace is that you receive blessings for no reason.
Practice random acts of Grace. Give to others for no reason.
Offer kindness to those who are undeserving.
Love those who no one else loves.
Practice Grace . . .
Back to reality.
The cut-off for holiday portraits making it back in time for the big day is fast-
approaching. Roughly December 9-10, somewhere in that neighborhood.
Shameless self-serving advertisement:
Ladies, this year give the gift of Yourself. A unique collection of intimate images is
a Christmas gift. Valentine or birthday present you both will cherish for a
lifetime. As always, we are Neat, Sweet and Discreet.
Also available, for birthdays, bachelorette parties and other special events.
With Valentines Day and Mardi Gras fast-approaching why not consider
a private make-over and portrait session party. An experience you won't soon
forget. For more information
Models, interested in becoming a Dream Girl? Find us at Digital Dreams by
Michael, on Facebook or Model Mayhem.
Here's hoping you all take my advice, better than I do, Modeleras and Modelaros.
Have a Safe and Happy Holidays. Everyone. Peace, out.
